"Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day...

"You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town

Waiting for someone or something to show you the way"

I don't think proud is the right word, but I at least still really like how this drawing turned out.

So, I was sitting here, finishing up this page at 4:30 in the morning. Nothing unusual for me about that, but it just sort of stuck out to me. I'm pretty much just working on this all the time. I don't do much else. I jog about every other morning and go grocery shopping once or twice a week. And I barely feel I have the time for that. But, what I was thinking about is, I have no reference for time. I seem to think about that a lot though.

The clock opposite me, that I use to tell time the majority of the time, isn't right. I know this. But still use it whenever I'm working, because, I guess I just don't care. What's weird is how the time settles unevenly. Like, how sometimes seconds can take an eternity, and other times, days can be over in minutes.

I don't know why, but I can't seem to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time. That probably has something to do with all this, I think. That, and I guess me just not caring. Honestly, most of the time I don't know what day it is.

I don't even know if any of that had a point. I think my point was that I thought it was closer to midnight than 5 in the morning. My time gauge is broken. Oh well, I guess. You don't really need one anyway, right?

This panel made me laugh. I think I drew the expression subconsciously because it didn't register with me until I added the text.

"I've got a secret... I've been hiding... under my skin"

"...My heart is human... My blood is boiling... My brain IBM"

I can't say it's the goal of everyone who draws, but, I think it's almost everyone's goal who give a crap about their work. To surprise yourself with what you do; somehow produce things just out of your ability range.

I think a main goal for this project, Calamity Cash atTwNN, is to try to do that with each page; well, at least to like each new page more than the last. So far, I'm batting a thousand. Every page is successively better than the last.

Which is good. That was the whole point. Take some time off, crack out a couple comics, get pretty decent at it, then swing for a job doing it. Just drawing them, if I can. I don't like inking and I'm not good at it. I think this page, specifically, this panel, even more specifically, this figure, was a little motivating. Mmn, not motivating, more like reassuring. Like a glimmer of hope. It's just out of range of my abilities to do, but I did it. And, the page as a whole isn't too bad either.

It makes me feel like this may have been a step in the right direction after all. Like it could turn out that I've chosen wisely. Even if it turns out not to be the case, at least I had that feeling for a little while.

It's pretty late, and I'm tired, and it's tempting to go off into a long delve about whether hope is a good thing or not. I guess it just depends on whether you can tell hope from hopelessness.

It seems like I've been out of hope for a while. Actually, I think it's safe to say I've been out most definitely. I can't remember how long I've been running on hope fumes.

Oh, if anyone sees my coil of rope, that's pretty much what that's about, but on a different plane.
Forcing the acceptance of hopelessness.

I feel less bad, but more stupid...

Well, I finally got around to actually seeing how long this is gonna take to finish. I never figured a real estimation out. I sort of just said a page a day, knowing that it would take at least twice as long as that. When anyone asked, I just said "a month and a half", knowing it would take much longer, just not wanting to acknowledge it. But, I got curious, and a sharpie and my calendar, and marked it all down and put together a schedule to follow.

When I woke up this morning (I use "morning" lightly) I realized I was further behind than it felt like. The scheduling isn't that complicated. I just marked down what day I should be working on what page. It's not confusing in the slightest. Here's every week for me for the next 3 months in chart form-

Like I said, not complicated.

So, I was sitting here drawing, all day, wondering what the heck happened that threw me so far off schedule. I mean, I just started it. And then it hit me. Wednesday, when I drew all this up, I apparently didn't know what day it really was, and scheduled this all to start Tuesday- the day before.

I was behind before I even began. Spectacular.

So, even thought I'm actually right on time with the task and the time actually alloted and all, according to the schedule I marked in sharpie on my giant calendar, I'm going to be perpetually behind. I'm gonna try to catch up for my imaginary day though, that way my calendar will be right and I won't always feel behind.

My deadline date of completion for the pages was February 16. Now, it's more like the 17th or 18th. But I'm gonna try to catch up so that my calendar's right.

Here's this.
Twas inked and grayed today.

Also, I think I've sort of come to terms with a few things that are, drawing wise, speed related issues/topics/concerns. Maybe more on those later if I feel like it.

Geez, though. Behind before beginning.

Sometimes, if it wasn't for feeling lonely and stupid, I wouldn't feel anything at all.

"Well, Pee-Wee mixed with A-team style, I suppose. . . May God have mercy on you all."

Alright, I think I've developed/set a schedule for this project. I'll go into details later.

Suffice to say for now, I'm already a day behind. I made the schedule yesterday... and I'm already behind. I don't usually use the phrase, but that is surely incredible, epic failure.

I'm going to have to work through the night and completely finish this page and start the next tomorrow in order to get back on track.

I wasn't going to post this, but whenever I look at it it makes me laugh. So, there you go.

His name is Tony.

Well, I gotta get to it. It's not gonna finish itself.

"to be honest, you already have."

Man... I haven't done anything in 6 days. Feels like forever. But, I did do a lot in those 6 days, it just wasn't drawing related.

For some reason this page took forever to put grays to. Two days, and I don't even know why. It was inked and half gray-ed yesterday, and finished today.

I should probably start kicking it up or change gears or something.

Tuck and roll maybe.

Something about a blind leap perhaps.

"!sdrawkcab epyt nac I"

I just drew this hand. I really like it.

This page is really complicated and took a while to layout and get all the balloons the exact right size and in the right places. It's not inked or shaded, but so far I'm really pleased with it.

Here's a hand, part of a face, and a word balloon.


"The irony is I was listening to Black Sabbath..."

I started this drawing as just a goof drawing to occupy my time and to have something to do tonight while playing some obligatory games. Sundays are usually pretty much shot work wise (one factor being obligatory games), but I'm trying to draw whenever I can. But I ended up not even working on it during the games. It was finished about an hour after I started it.

This is probably my favorite goof drawing as of yet. I say "goof drawing" for anything that's completely unimportant; something I have no investments in. Stuff that isn't for anything other than fun. Usually they're just scribbles that I don't even look at twice, but I guess all the practice up till now is paying off. I almost didn't even try when I doodled this. And it didn't take long at all. I just liked it so much that I had to ink it. And it snowballed into what it is.

Long story short; One hour drawing + 15 minutes inking + one hour photoshop = unintentionally awesome poster.

I'm considering having it printed as a real poster. I think it might be worth $20 to have on my wall.

"Yeah, I'm gonna need a bigger boat."

Officially 1/11th of the way finished.

"...an unexplainable herd of Mr. T's..."

Because he was human
Because he had goodness
Because he was moral
They called him insane

Delusions of grandeur
Visions of splendour
A manic depressive
He walks in the rain

eyes wide open
Heart undefended
innocence untarnished

I think I'm getting faster- this page went from script to finished pencil in no time, and it wasn't a strain on sanity or anything.

"We'll need a loudspeaker, an old house, and 25 other people..."

A page layed out, penciled, inked, scanned, and toned in less that 24 hours. Everything but the tones went fast. The tones took hours and hours to do. It was maddening.

In fact, by the end of the day, I lost if for a bit.

"It was like the sky was shadowed..."

1001001 SOS
1001001 in distress