"I've got a secret... I've been hiding... under my skin"


"...My heart is human... My blood is boiling... My brain IBM"

I can't say it's the goal of everyone who draws, but, I think it's almost everyone's goal who give a crap about their work. To surprise yourself with what you do; somehow produce things just out of your ability range.

I think a main goal for this project, Calamity Cash atTwNN, is to try to do that with each page; well, at least to like each new page more than the last. So far, I'm batting a thousand. Every page is successively better than the last.

Which is good. That was the whole point. Take some time off, crack out a couple comics, get pretty decent at it, then swing for a job doing it. Just drawing them, if I can. I don't like inking and I'm not good at it. I think this page, specifically, this panel, even more specifically, this figure, was a little motivating. Mmn, not motivating, more like reassuring. Like a glimmer of hope. It's just out of range of my abilities to do, but I did it. And, the page as a whole isn't too bad either.

It makes me feel like this may have been a step in the right direction after all. Like it could turn out that I've chosen wisely. Even if it turns out not to be the case, at least I had that feeling for a little while.

It's pretty late, and I'm tired, and it's tempting to go off into a long delve about whether hope is a good thing or not. I guess it just depends on whether you can tell hope from hopelessness.

It seems like I've been out of hope for a while. Actually, I think it's safe to say I've been out most definitely. I can't remember how long I've been running on hope fumes.

Oh, if anyone sees my coil of rope, that's pretty much what that's about, but on a different plane.
Forcing the acceptance of hopelessness.