"From my heart and from my hand"

"Why don't people understand
My intentions...?

I think I had a revelation this morning. I woke up around 3 AM, and pretty much went straight to work. Things have been a little odd lately. For reasons beyond my power, I'm stuck at home. Literally, I can't leave.

I have two lamps on my desk. Last night, one of the bulbs burned out. The lamp uses a special bulb, and it has to be >45 watts, so I can't use normal bulbs in it. Normally, I'd go to wal-mart right off and grab a new pack of bulbs (I go through them pretty quickly), but I had to make due. I had to take a bulb from under one of my shelves and use it. And even then, it's a different kind than I use in the desk lamps.

So, when I woke up I started to work and it felt odd, like a dream. Half of my desk was covered in the normal bright white light I've been working under for the last 8 months, but the left side was covered in a dull, low, yellow light. For some reason it seems like the kind of light that should be given off by an old Victorian lamp, maybe candle lit.

I just sort of sat there drawing for a while, thinking how weird it seemed. Such a small difference, but such a big difference.

Also, all this sitting and nothing but drawing leave lots of time for introspection and reflection.

I think I'm gonna have to learn to forget most of the stuff I learned in college. Work shouldn't be about just getting things done or finished as soon as possible. Or about getting the quickest results as fast as possible.

I need to stop trying to finish pages. It seems like that's all I've been trying to do, just finish them and get them out of the way. I think my breakthrough was to stop trying to finish them. Start enjoying them for what they are. Take time and enjoy the process.

I think the pages are going to get much better. It feels like this was the first page I've really done.

It is as if he had been asleep for an eternity, and lost in a dream... Now the sleeper awakens... And it is as if he has awakened for the first time.